A little over a month ago I was having car problems and was really frustrated. A close person to me decided to try to make me feel better by rubbing my back. Although she meant well, it didn't help because I am not a huge fan of physical touch, and when I'm stressed I really don't want to be touched.
On the other hand, when I was in high school my mom gave me a little bear for Valentines Day. She's not a big gift giver, but I was so excited about getting something from her, that I took it to school and kept it with me all day. You would have thought I had a secret admirer, but it really made me feel special.
A few years ago I read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and suddenly a lot of my little quirks made sense. Then I read the Five Love Languages of Children by the same author. I would suggest these book for anyone who deals closely with...well anyone.
The basic principle of the Five Love Languages is that there are only 5 ways universally that people give and receive love. Each person speaks one or two of these languages better than the others, and the love languages can really help in relating with people you love.
The first Language I mentioned was Physical Touch. Some people really thrive off a literal pat on the back or a hug, while others (like me) cringe at the thought of being touched (although I will hug back if hugged and not cringe, I promise!) This doesn't make either person more or less normal, it just speaks differently to each person.
The second Language I mentioned was Giving and Receiving Gifts. I enjoy this one. However, I also realize that some people get nothing out of being given a gift.
The third Language is Acts of Service. Basically, some people like to serve others and be served (maybe doing dishes or yard work for people) and some people get nothing out of it.
The fourth Language is Quality Time. I think this is self-explanatory.
The fifth Language is Words of Affirmation. Some people thrive on compliments, some don't.
So what does this have to do with children's ministry? Simply put, while speaking a child's love language can make them feel great, using their love language against them can really hurt a child. The child whose love language is quality time may do great with one on one time with a caring adult when they are having behavioral problems, but completely isolating them could cause major problems. Also, speak the language sincerely. Compliments just to compliment or gifts as a bribe are not speaking a love language.
If you haven't Read The Five Love Languages of Children, I would highly suggest it. This week, be thinking about those difficult children you work with and see if you can figure out their love language. Maybe it will help.
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